He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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