You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Naked Twister starts at high noon
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
