You're earring is so big in my mouth
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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