last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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