Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
