I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
