I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
