Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
