lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
