I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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