I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
