Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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