Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
