So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
