i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize