I want to have your abortion
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
