not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize