In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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