Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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