Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
