Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize