Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
