Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
