I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
