You smell like a Billy Joel song
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
