I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize