I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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