Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize