I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
