Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
