I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
