im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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