Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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