I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
