I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
