I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
