you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
