ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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