i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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