we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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