I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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