her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
