Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
