i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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