so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
