The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
4 words: hood of his car
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
