i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
3pm strippers are depressing
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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