He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
