I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
