So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
