I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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