he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
