Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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