Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
