how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
