oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
