just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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