Are we in a gay sports bar?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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