I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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