Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
