WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
