i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
