Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
