Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
