Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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