i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
