apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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