i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
