that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im having a threesome with these popsicles
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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