dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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