mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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