I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There r osticjed everywhere
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
