he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
