God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
