I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
