You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
