I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize