Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
