Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
