Is it normal to miss your booty call?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize