she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
